I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
where does the pee come out of this thing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize