apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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