how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just pee around me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
