Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
