I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
