Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
