the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
