i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
