So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
