Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
