Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
