i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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