Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
