Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize