Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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