I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
