woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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