I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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