You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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