So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
