I love black thongs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
