I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please come you make the beer taste better
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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