Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
