she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
