my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My vagina is officially offended.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
