Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
