I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
