I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just crazy horny about you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
