Define "chronic" masturbator.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
