I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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