a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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