OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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