he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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