guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
