Swine flu. Run for my life!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
