Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
