Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
