oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
