I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They are going to name an STD after you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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