I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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