this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize