I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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