have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
