Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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