He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize