He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
