Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
