Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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