hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
