Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
