Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize