You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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