how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
These tits shall not be calmed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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