The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
