I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
