I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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