Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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