How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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