I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
vagina is talking i cant
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
