Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
