i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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