ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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