so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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