I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
