peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize