I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
